Become a better father in 2025

One of my New Year's goals is to be an even better father. Reflecting on my journey so far, I’m proud of the dad I’ve been, but I know there’s always room for growth. When I set this goal, two questions immediately came to mind: “How can I achieve this?” and “What do I need to do?”

One of the core principles I want to uphold is being a father first and a friend second. Let’s be honest, who doesn’t want their kids to see them as a best friend? But for me, it’s crucial that they see me as their father first—the person who provides, protects, and prepares them for the challenges of the world. Friendship is important, but it should come after they recognize the foundational role I play in their lives. I don’t want to feel guilty for setting standards and following through, even when it’s not what they want at the moment. Kids naturally gravitate toward fun and freedom, but structure and responsibility are just as important for their growth.

Take something as simple as putting shoes away. When my six year old walks in the door, he often kicks his shoes off and sprint away to play. It’s easy to either pick the shoes up myself or let them sit there. But instead, I’m making him come back and put the shoes where they belong. It might lead to a mini battle at first (especially with younger kids), but consistency wins out. Over time, it becomes second nature for them, and they learn the importance of small habits—something they’ll carry into adulthood.

Another area I’m focusing on is taking responsibility for their habits and behaviors. At the end of the day, kids learn—or don’t learn—from someone, and often that someone is me. Teaching my six-year-old to not only clean his room but to keep it clean daily has been a challenge. There are times I don’t want to fight that battle, but I’ve realized that avoiding it sets one standard, while addressing it sets another. It’s tough at first, but with consistency, the resistance fades. Now, he keeps his room cleaner with less prompting, and I’m reminded that the effort pays off.

Beyond daily habits, I want to teach my kids about the value of money. It’s a tool that can enable their dreams or hinder them if they don’t manage it well. I want them to understand the pain and limitations that can come from financial struggles, but more importantly, the opportunities that come from financial literacy and discipline. By giving them this foundation, I hope to prepare them for a future where they can pursue their goals with confidence and independence.

When it comes to my daughter, who is now 17, the role I play is much different than with my six-year-old. One thing I want to teach her is what it actually takes to achieve a dream. I talk to her often about the journey and not the destination, as the journey is what she will remember. I also emphasize not giving up when things get tough or when results seem far-fetched. Just the other week, she was doing a barrel race at a place where she hasn’t seen much success with one of her horses. She made a comment to me that her horse doesn’t like this certain place. So I mentioned to her that maybe it’s best to not take this horse to that place anymore—there’s no point in continuing to have bad runs, creating bad habits, or fostering a bad attitude. Her response to me was, “Would you really like me to just give up?” My reply was, “You’re 100% right.” Fast forward to this last week, she came home and told me she put down a clean, fast run!

This is what being a father is all about to me. Getting to this point was a battle, with tough conversations and moments of frustration with each other. But at the end of the day, all the work, heartache, and moments where I felt like she might not like me as much on a friend level are worth it. I know she’s preparing for life, and I know she’ll be able to handle so much more because of these lessons.

As I work on being a better father, here are some areas I know I can focus on and improve:

1. Patience: Both with my six-year-old and my 17-year-old, I need to practice patience. Growth and learning take time, and it’s my role to guide them calmly, even when it’s frustrating.
2. Consistency: Setting and maintaining standards, like keeping rooms clean or putting away shoes, requires consistent follow-through. I need to ensure I’m modeling the behaviors I want them to adopt.
3. Communication: Tailoring how I communicate with each child is crucial. My six-year-old needs simple, clear instructions, while my teenager benefits from thoughtful discussions about her goals and challenges.
4. Encouragement: Celebrating small wins, like a clean run in a barrel race or tidying up without being asked, reinforces positive behaviors and boosts their confidence.
5. Life Skills: Continuing to teach them about responsibility, financial literacy, and problem-solving will prepare them for the future. My daughter needs guidance on managing independence, while my son needs help building foundational habits.

Ultimately, being a better father in 2025 comes down to preparing my kids for life without me. It’s a sobering thought, but one that motivates me. There will be moments of resistance, maybe even resentment, but I believe that when they’re older, they’ll look back and appreciate the effort I put into being their father first. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. I want them to know that everything I do is to equip them for a life they can thrive in, even when I’m not there to guide them.